Be still my bleeding heart . . . .

OK. I know that really isn't the phrase, but I used a little poetic license to make it appropriate for this picture. Although taken last week, we've been out of town (more on that tomorrow) and I haven't had the chance to post it. Until now . . . . Enjoy!

Want a preview of tomorrow's entry topic? Here is a hint . . . . What city was the colonial capital of the state of North Carolina? It is also know as the birthplace of Pepsi.

Daily Dose of Cute

As most of y'all are aware, spring cleaning in our household also means changing fall/winter bedding to spring/summer bedding. Ginger just gets all a twitter about this! Not only because she LOVES to help make the bed, but she adores the matelasse bedspread and its nubby texture. It is so funny to watch our little declawed kitty, jump on the bed and just dig into it in an attempt to 'sharpen' her phantom claws!

In the picture above, she is just all tuckered out! She had just assisted in dressing the bed and completed her sharpening exercises.

What will you feed?

"Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live."

---Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There is a Native American story about two animals that reside in each of us.

An eagle and a wolf.

The eagle represents the part of us that wants to reach higher. The wolf is the part of us that wants to hurt and destroy.

Which one will you feed today? The eagle or the wolf?

Spring Cleaning

So, in hopes of increasing my odds of a Zen like existence, I have been spring cleaning! Actually, it has been taking place over the past three weeks. Our trash can is only so big, you know.

Note to self: Think about leaving big tip to trash collectors . . . especially the one who threw out his back last week trying to toss around our trash can (filled with a year's worth of old magazines).

And in the spirit of spring cleaning, I thought I'd pass along some tips I've learned.

1. KABOOM-You want clean grout? Use Kaboom. If it doesn't get your tile grout clean, nothing will.

2. 409-Use to clean cabinets. It is a good idea to clean the inside and outside of cabinet doors.

3. 2 CUPS OF WATER AND 1 TABLESPOON LEMON JUICE-Place in microwave safe container, microwave on high for three minutes. Water turns to steam and loosens all the caked on crap in your microwave. The lemon helps neutralize odors that might be remaining from last weeks curry tempeh. Remove water and wipe down the inside of the microwave. Now your microwave is sparkling clean (and tomorrow's microwaved lunch won't have a faint smell of last week's curry).

4. GET RID OF MAGAZINES AFTER ONE OR TWO MONTHS-Come on folks! This is the internet age! If you need it that badly in the future, go to the website and print out the article.

5. GO THROUGH YOUR PANTRY-Check expiration dates on canned goods. And, if you find canned goods that you know you won't use, try giving them to charity.

6. GO THROUGH YOUR FREEZER-If 'it' (whatever frozen, freezer burned stuff you have) has been in there for over six months, throw it out! You're not gonna use it. This includes that half used bag of frozen green beans.

7. ASK YOURSELF, "JUST HOW MANY T-SHIRTS DO I NEED?"-Probably not three drawer fulls and certainly not any t-shirts that are from your high school days.

8. MAKEUP-Can't remember the last time you used it (much less when you bought it)? Toss it.

You'll be amazed at how cathartic some good, old-fashioned spring cleaning can be! And, NO, this does not mean go out and buy more stuff!

My driver's license expires . . . .

It was pointed out to me today that my driver's license expires November of this year. No, this didn't cause me to think how much older I'm getting. In fact, it reminded me that my husband and I are celebrating 8 years in Pennsylvania this month. Can anyone believe it has been this long?

Note to self: Renew driver's license later this year . . . .


preferably in a different state.

Perfection has kept me MIA

I've been struggling. That's why I haven't been posting. There is a part of me that doesn't want to admit things aren't 'perfect.' Thus, I don't share. I don't open up. I don't communicate. Heaven forbid others should know things aren't 'perfect.'

I don't feel good about myself. Physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. Thus, it is better just to cocoon myself. Trying to ignore the pains. Writing about it just makes it more real and, thus, impossible to ignore.

I still haven't come to grips with the theory that 'talking' about stuff somehow makes it more manageable. You gotta be kidding, right? Talking doesn't seem to help me work problems out. If anything, it just produces more anxiety. And then there is the problem of writing, or talking, yourself in circles. You know what I mean. Where you sit and ponder on a problem (i.e. your life) to the point where even the facts don't seem like facts. That everything is up for discussion, unfocused, unreal.

I often wonder what is better . . to live in a state of denial or to continuously butt heads with your problems, never coming to a resolution. Either one would be easier if I could fit into my pants from last spring. But, alas, that will never happen. Even I know that fitting into my skinny pants will not improve my self esteem or self worth (or problem solving skills).

So, what are my facts?

I'm never going to be perfect.
I'm having a hard time finding a job.
I'm feeling lost.
I haven't found that purpose and/or passion.
I'm not going to have toothpick legs or a flat stomach.
I am healthy (most days-ha, ha).
I am married to a man who tries to work with me.
My worth is not determined by the ability of bringing home a paycheck.
I don't like being scared of living my life.
I love the water. I love the South.
I'm exceptionally lucky that I don't need an income right now to survive.
I have a roof over my head.
I have a silly, furball kitty who loves me unconditionally.
I am smart and talented.
For right now, I am where I need to be.